youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
