I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
