i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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