I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
