she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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