I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
