The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
