I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize