omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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