I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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