the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
