So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
