Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
