We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
