At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
