highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
