The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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