I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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