your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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