omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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