Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
