I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
