Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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