i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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