I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
