We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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