i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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