Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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