this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
