felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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