It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
