I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
