I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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