She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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