I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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