Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
