Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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