Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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