She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
