i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
