Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
