mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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