Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
