and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
