so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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