I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
