this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
