I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
