The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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