I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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