he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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