feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
