I feel great
I just peed on a car
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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