sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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