I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk is not a location!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
