oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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