Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
