watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was CRYING into my vagina
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
