The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
