Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
